By Jamie C. Williamson, PhD Happy people have figured out that it is not happiness that makes you grateful, it is gratefulness that makes you happy. So, the trick to having a Happy Thanksgiving is simple: “Just Be Grateful” and, like this cornucopia, your holiday will be overstuffed with joyful thanks and generous giving. Easier
Relationship Blog
It’s time! 5 Steps to Finally Letting it Go
By Jamie C. Williamson, PhD Fall is the time when trees remind us how important – and beautiful—it can be to let things go. Trees let go of their leaves to save energy and protect themselves from damaging conditions. As the days grow shorter, trees sense the natural loss of light. In fact, trees can
4 Habits To Keep Your Marriage Golden Even When You’re Gray
by Jamie C. Williamson, PhD So, you’ve been thinking that if you made it through the seven-year-itch, a mid-life crisis (or two), and your kids’ teenage years, you’d be golden, right? Probably…. but maybe not. Although the divorce rate is declining for couples under 40, the divorce rate is on the rise for older adults.
Want a Future? Choose Forgiveness, Not Fighting
By Jamie C. Williamson, PhD My friend Mike confided to me yesterday that he and his wife of over 20 years are getting a divorce. Although the split was her idea, he was quick to choose to forgive her and focus on building a stable future for himself, his wife, and their children. He told me
Four Warning Signs on the Road to Divorce
by Jamie C. Williamson, PhD There are four signs that signal a progressive, downward relationship spiral leading to divorce. But, you can learn to recognize these cautionary signals and take a detour that will put you back on the path to a long, satisfying marriage. Which couple are you? This week I met two young
The Truth About Lies: Motives Matter
By Jamie C. Williamson, PhD Is it ever ok to lie? Not all lies are unexpected. Not all lies are unethical. Not all lies hurt others. In fact, sometimes lying is the right thing to do. Sometimes. But, not usually. Especially in a close personal relationship grounded in trust, like marriage. Lying is only one
Want a Long, Happy Marriage? Be Loving AND Stubborn
by Jamie C. Williamson, PhD You might be surprised to learn that stubbornness in marriage is a good thing. And a gift that proves it is even better. Some spouses try to create a happy marriage through grand romantic gestures like sending flowers, planning romantic dinners, or wearing sexy lingerie. While that is a pretty
Resolving to Be Happy Might Require Courage to Divorce
by Jamie C. Williamson, PhD Many people started out the New Year thinking about getting a divorce, even if they didn’t realize it at first. People rarely include “get a divorce” on their list of resolutions. Instead, divorce becomes the unhappy (but necessary) by-product of resolutions like “This is the year I’m going to have
Beware the Calm Before the Stormy 7 Stages of Divorce
by Jamie C. Williamson, PhD Divorcing couples do move through predictable and understandable stages of divorce, each associated with different practical concerns, emotions, and typical behavior patterns. But, divorce initiation often begins with a seemingly calm, barely detectable phase. You have to pay close attention or it will catch you by surprise. Most explanations
Effective Apologies Turn Conflict Aftermath into Healing Afterglow
By Jamie C. Williamson, PhD I’ve said it a thousand times, but people still don’t believe me. Conflict can actually be good for your relationship. Conflict can lead to greater understanding. Conflict can clarify similarities, differences, and preferences. Conflict can help couples learn how to deal with future conflict. And, perhaps most importantly, conflict can
Avoid Tragic Ending: Start With a Negotiated Farewell and Divorce Mediation
by Jamie Williamson, PhD You know how happily married couples love to share the story of how they met, complete with teasing about fun little details? These are usually well-rehearsed tales, in which both spouses end up being heroes of their own, happily-ever-after love story. Well, divorcing couples also want to share the story of
Improve Communication in Your Marriage Before it’s too Late
by Jamie C. Williamson, PhD Wondering how to improve communication in your marriage? Frequent problems don’t ruin a marriage. But, ineffective communication can. So, you might need to improve communication in your marriage before it’s too late. If it seems that all you and your spouse do is fight about money, the kids, sex, and
4 Ways to Get Divorced. Is Pre-suit Pro Se Right for You?
by Jamie C. Williamson, PhD If you have decided that getting a divorce is the best (and maybe only) option that will promote your future emotional and psychological well-being, and that of your spouse and children, your next step is to determine which of the four paths to a legal divorce is right for you and
Great Dad, Inattentive Husband? How to Initiate the “Fix”
by Jamie C. Williamson, PhD Around Father’s Day traditional and new media produce pithy articles about the characteristics of great fathers. These lists typically include valuable advice like: spend time with your children, discipline with love, be a role model for good behavior, teach your kids to appreciate what they have (don’t be an ATM),
Co-parenting in the Best Interest of the Children
by Jamie C. Williamson, PhD Sometimes divorced parents must sacrifice their own desires to act in “the best interest of the children”. Here’s an example. My neighbor is a divorced Mother in an exemplary co-parenting relationship with the Father of her children. This is his week to be with their kids. He’ll have them all
Three Building Blocks that Strengthen a Shaking Foundation of Trust
By Jamie C. Williamson, PhD Like most actions in a close, intimate relationship, trust follows the “norm of reciprocity”. You will trust your partner, if you sense that your partner trusts you, and visa versa. What this means is that, if you act overly jealous or suspicious, you will not likely end up in the place
Should I Stay or Should I Go? Part 3 – How Unhappy Do I Have to Be to Justify Divorce?
By Jamie C. Williamson, PhD One of the main reasons people in contemporary western culture get stuck in what I call the Contemplative Phase of divorce is that the purpose of marriage itself has evolved over the last few decades, leaving people confused about what they value most from what should be the most valuable
Should I Stay or Should I Go? Part 2 – Determine Your Marriage’s Love Style
By Jamie C. Williamson, PhD Marriages have Love Styles. Some lead to fulfilling happy marriages. Some lead to distress and divorce. To understand these Marriage Love Styles, you have to first understand that love is an action word, not an emotion. You and your spouse create patterns of action and inaction that constitute the character
Should I Stay or Should I Go? Part 1 – Using a Love Triangle to Assess Your Relationship
By Jamie C. Williamson, PhD The most frequently asked question for me these days is “How do I know whether I should get divorced, or keep trying?” Sadly, many married people remain in this ambivalent “Should I Stay or Should I go” state for years. During this time — which I call the Contemplative Phase
The Most Important F-Word in Marriage May Surprise You
By Jamie C. Williamson, PhD The most commonly thought of F-word is not the one that most often causes marriages to decay. Despite what magazine articles and sensational internet posts might claim, happily married couples do NOT typically have sex every day or even every week. After the newness wears off, most happy couples get